INSIGHTFUL RESPONSES RECEIVED FROM OTHER PEACE EDUCATORS WITH RESPECT TO THEIR RELATIONSHIP EXPERIENCES

(in response to Bob Stewart's article at http://www.peace.ca/proposalsfamily.htm )

 

What a lovely message! It sounds like you have had a most compelling journey. You helped me realize how important (my spouse) is to my growth and transformation. Thanks for sharing.

 

Bob, good morning! Thanks for your letter, and best wishes to you and your family in this new phase of your life. Gail Sheehy says that the average North American male doesn't wake up until his first divorce--ouch! The word "first" is particularly scary--will there be more? Certainly that was my own experience. Before that time I thought I was conscious; but after that time I reached a level of consciousness which made me realize that I had been, relatively, unconscious. And if that is so, what further levels of consciousness do I have to reach?

I was working on nuclear issues and other dimensions of peace education before my former wife and I separated in 1989, but I was not at peace with myself. Worse than that, I didn't *realize* that I was not at peace with myself! Now I have the advantage of knowing whether or not I am at peace with myself, and if I find that for some reason I am not, I know that I must deal with it and I know how to deal with it to bring myself (the only one we can control, as you said) back to the path of peace. As A. J. Muste said, "There's no way to peace: peace is the way." It is an essential task of a peace educator, as you have realized, to stay on that path personally as well as socially and politically.

So blessings to you, Bob, and thanks for giving us a glimpse of your journey.

 

Blessings on your journey, Bob. The road is long, but not without colleagues, friends, hope and love in the biggest sense. Keep me tuned.

 

Thank you for your heartfelt and wise sharing. Blessings as your path unfolds!

Hi Bob,

Your thoughts on your recent life challenges were very timely and I appreciate your candor and honesty. Six weeks ago, my relationship of 30 years with my wife reached an impasse and we separated. Perhaps not surprisingly I had just returned from a trip to Canada where I was engaged in a major peace education project. I felt I was on 'top of the world' as I was treated as a VIP and well-taken care of by everyone I met. I was interviewed on national radio and performed in a major theatre for families and their kids. Then I slipped into the world of ego and lost sight of my relationship. My world turned upside down when I returned home. Now, I'm alone in a friend's empty flat which has been sold; I have 10 days before I'm homeless and not a clue of where I'm headed next. Another 'peace' tragedy. Ironically, I remember us talking about this very sort of thing back in 04 at the Mac Peace Ed conference. I even (participated in) a round-table discussion on how we take care of ourselves while doing peace work. Should have listened a little more closely, I guess :).

I'm not sure what the future will bring now but I found your words helpful as well as your bibliography of relationship work. I'll take a look. IN the meantime, take care of yourself. I hope our paths will cross again someday soon.

AND MY RESPONSE:

Dear _____,

Thank you for sharing your story.  My heart goes out to you.  Know that you are loved and not alone (there are more people who love you than you may realize right now).  I know how trying a time this is for you.  Know also that this is not a personal rejection – for whatever reason this challenge has been put before you at this time – but you must go through it giving it your best.  You and your wife have spent 30 years together, and will always be part of each other’s life history – and I am sure the love for each other will carry on at a deep level.  I am sure that the conclusion has not yet been written on your relationship.

Maybe this is the time to remember to take care of yourself, and work on yourself.  A time to remember that you are a strong, spiritual being with a special purpose to your life.  I trust you will benefit from the materials I have referenced (it is also available and will be updated at http://www.peace.ca/proposalsfamily.htm ).  If you ever have any questions or need additional support, please do not hesitate to write.  As hard as it may currently seem, I know that you too will become a much better person through all this, and your peace work will also benefit significantly from your experience.  The greatest lesson is love.

This is not the end.  It is a beginning. 

Best wishes,

Bob